I’m nearing the end of the two week wait, the two weeks after ovulation before you can test. I’m 12 days passed ovulation and today has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Firstly I’m impatient, desperately wanting to test, but knowing its probably too early for an accurate result. Secondly I’m hopefu, busy symptom spotting trying to translate every cramp, twinge etc in to a sign of pregnancy. Then is gets a bit complicated. I think about being pregnant and I’m excited, but there is a fear, a big big fear that I might miscarry again. I’m not sure how I’d cope if I had to go through it again. I’m scared that if I were to miscarry again that I would lose hope and stop wanting to try. On the flip side of this I am crushed and can hardly breathe at the thought that I may not be pregnant this cycle. I’ve been so positive and haven’t allowed myself to even consider that we might not have been successful. The thought crossed my mind earlier today and I felt tears welling in my eyes.
I’ll know in 2 days time and I really really hope and pray that we will have been successful. Until then I will continue with my mantra:
I trust in the rhythm of my body to have conceived at the perfect moment. I will allow myself to know that all is well now. I will allow myself to relax and enjoy this wonderful journey now. I am pregnant and it is healthy.