And so the quest continues

So I am officially 14 days past ovulation today. It is a sufficient amount of time to have passed to ensure a home pregnancy test comes up positive. I tested this morning and sadly it was a BFN (big fat negative). I cling to the hope that may be it could still happen this cycle, there is no sign my period, but I think I know in my heart of hearts that we’ve not been successful. 😦

Looking back over this cycle, with the Clomid and the follicle monitoring and the creative healing and the reflexology not to mention all my supplements, I’m struggling to work out what more I could have done. We timed everything perfectly, we know there was a follicle maturing nicely to release an egg. I had a temperature rise indicating a surge in progesterone, which itself indicates that I have ovulated successfully. My blood tests all came back normal. There is no signs of polyps or other things that could prevent the embryo embedding into the lining of the womb. I don’t understand.

I’m feeling really low and defeated. I know I can’t give up, but I was so so sure that this was going to be it. This cycle was the magical cycle. What makes it harder is knowing that had I carried the baby I lost in Feb to full term I would be holding a 6 week old baby in my arms right now. Thinking of what should have been doesn’t help, but I can’t help it sometimes, especially on days like today. Being positive all the time really drains me. I feel exhausted by it all. I won’t give up, but I just wish there was a magic pill that would make me pregnant.

I’ll lift myself out of this sadness in a day or two. Have to look forward. Next round of Clomid, mood swings and grumpiness here I come!

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