I have recently taken some time out from writing or posting on this blog. I was trying a technique called the Law of Attraction to try and help me get pregnant. Part of the philosophy behind the Law of Attraction is that you get back what you put out there. So thinking of and writing about baby loss was slightly against that philosophy if I wanted to bring in to my life a healthy and happy pregnancy.
On my penultimate round of Clomid I got that precious second line on the pregnancy test. I was so excited and happy that it didn’t even enter my mind to be scared or cautious. It all felt right and like it was meant to be.
A week after the positive test I had a small amount of spotting so went to the GP as a precaution. She said that it was very possibly breakthrough bleeding and that I shouldn’t worry unless I started bleeding heavily or was in a lot of pain. Yesterday, I had a bit more spotting and to put my mind at ease bought some pregnancy tests. I got home and did the tests, but they both came back negative. Later in the evening I started bleeding heavily. It was over… another angel in the heavens.
I know it’s easy to say it was only 5 weeks, but the amount of time you’ve been pregnant doesn’t make a difference especially if you have, like my husband and I, been trying for so long to get pregnant and suffered losses before. It’s not just about the pregnancy failing it’s about the dreams and hopes that are crushed with a loss. We are so devastated.
We mustn’t lose hope though. We have to believe that it will happen for us.