I’ve just come back from a wonderfully relaxing holiday in Hong Kong. We went away to the Mandarin Oriental spa and resort on Sanya whilst we were out there and I had hoped that the destressing spell of the place would have a magical affect on our last round of Clomid and that we’d have to, in someway, get Sanya in to the name of our baby. Sadly its magic didn’t work well enough and we have come to the end of the cycle with no precious line on the home pregnancy test and all the signs of the dreaded “witch” approaching. I had so hoped that we would be successful this time round and it is crushing emotionally knowing that the wait to be a mother will go on.
So what next? We have an appointment with the fertility specialist on Wednesday to discuss things further, but we will probably move in to slightly more invasive treatment options, IUI or IVF. Until we’ve discussed it all with him, though, I don’t know what the pros and cons are of the various treatment options now open to us. He won’t try the Clomid again as there is a risk of osteoporosis and cervical cancer.
It’s hard because people say “well you’ve managed to get pregnant 3 times in 12 months, I don’t think that sounds like subfertility”. But is sure feels like a problem. Especially when even the magic Clomid doesn’t do the trick. Surely if I wasn’t subfertile the Clomid would have worked. I know that people are only trying to keep us positive and be upbeat, but really it doesn’t help to hear people tell you that you don’t have anything wrong with you when you do. It’s also difficult because we have 2 things happening simultaneously that are not necessarily linked. We have the subfertillity and then the recurrent miscarriages. We have an answer now as to why the miscarriages have been happening, but that doesn’t mean that we can get pregnant, we just know how to try and prevent the miscarriage when we do get pregnant. People don’t really get that though and they think that because we have an answer it will all be easy now.
So the journey continues and we hope to reach the end of this chapter soon so that we can start the parenting chapter.