A letter to Lily Allen

Last night my husband and I watched Riches to Rags.  The programme was about Lily Allen and her sister setting up their business, but during the programme Lily lost her baby.  Watching the pain and devastation poor Lily went through, I just wanted to make things different for her.  After the programme ended I couldn’t sleep.  I just wanted to lie and watch my baby sleep.  My baby, who is the same age that Lily’s baby should be.  I also felt compelled to write this

Dear Lily,

I am so so sorry for your losses.  To miscarry once in early pregnancy is devastating and something I am sadly no stranger to.  But I cannot imagine the pain and devastation of losing a baby at 6 months pregnancy.

It annoyed me that the press referred to your recent loss as a miscarriage.  No matter how hard it is to read or write they should have said that your baby was sadly stillborn.  He was a perfect little being, born in to this world too soon.  He had a name and a face, something the term miscarriage somehow diminishes.

There are so many milestones in pregnancy, especially if you have suffered losses.  First there is the 12 week milestone then the 20 week… by the time you get in to the third trimester you feel that you are on the home stretch and actually allow yourself to start relaxing in to the idea that you are going to be a mother.  You don’t think that things can go wrong once you’ve got so far on.  I got pregnant around the same time as you.  My heart broke for you when I read your sad news.  It made me appreciate so much more every day that my pregnancy progressed.  I so wish that things had been different for you.

Watching you on Riches to Rags last night my heart broke again.  No one should ever have to go through what you did and to have to do it so publicly must have made it even harder.  You looked so vunerable and I just wanted to reach out to you.  I want to tell you that it’s ok to not be ok.  To tell you that I wish so much that you hadn’t had to go through what you have.  To tell you not to give up hope.  And to tell you that you are not alone.

On Sunday, Mother’s day, I will be thinking of you and your angels.  I will light a candle for the babies I have lost, for the babies you have lost and for all the angel babies.  I hope and pray that you will have a healthy full term pregnancy and that you too get to hold your forever baby in your arms soon.

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